A Whole New Mind

Reading is a hobby of mine and recently I have been reading A Whole New Mind by Daniel H. Pink for a literature circle in my Assessment class this semester. (The book is a quick and easy read for anyone interested in how careers are catering more to the typical right-brain talents and more artsy side.) This week's assigned reading section had a portfolio of fun tasks you could do to improve or expand your knowledge of design and storytelling. One challenge really grabbed my attention and I decided to try it here. The task was to write a story/mini-saga in 50 words. Exactly. I decided to write about my journey to where I am currently at in my life. So here is my attempt:

Bright-eyed and overpowered by numerous ringlets, eight-year old Laura dreams of her future.

Years pass and she grows into her curls embodying their energy and bounce. She struggles through her shattered dreams and grows new visions from their wreckage.

Eight-year old Laura thrives inward, constantly encouraging her adult counterpart onward.

Inspiring Words

I have developed two theories about Jesus:

1. He laughs hysterically at my feeble attempts to function and greatly enjoys the multitude of awkward moments in my life with an ever present smile that resembles the same grin parents give precocious toddlers who think they are ready to conquer the world.

2. He constantly fights the urge to slam his head into a wall when he thinks about how frustrating I am due to my extreme faith in my own talents and abilities

Regardless of whether either one of these images is correct (although I'm rooting for #1) Jesus is consistently there and patiently guiding me along my path. My little sister Emma made her status this the other day:

You can't be something you're not. No matter how hard you try. But there is a reason for that. God made you who he wanted you to be. You are beautifully and individually made. You are YOU for a reason, now go change the world...your way, God's way.

This really stood out to me and brought my attention immediately to the sermon I had heard this past Sunday evening. (God knows I'm slow so he sends things/answers to prayers my way at least twice so I catch them) The speaker discussed Ephesians 2:1-10. It related to the sentiment my little sister expressed. The sentiment that God created each and everyone of us with a distinct purpose in mind and that alone makes us special. To really give you a vivd depiction of the passage I have included the scripture (adding my own emphasis) in its entirety below:

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires in our thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions---it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him, in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith---and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God---not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

That last verse clearly defines my very purpose on this Earth. My name is written in the script! Worldly achievement doesn't make me somebody. I am somebody because Jesus loves me and there is no honor greater that can be bestowed. I am already in the script because God wrote the script and wrote my name in their with love. He chose the part for me that made the entire play better. Instead of envying the lead roles and wishing a place among the stars, I should delight that I was included in the production. Each role is significant whether the audience is aware of it or oblivious to it. My problem is my pride, I want credit and glory and that is only temporary. Instead I should focus on how to make the script better and play my part as best I can. Emma's thoughts and this sermon really reassured me that I do have purpose. I love when Jesus hits me over the head with some knowledge!

On a lighter, slightly not related note, I definitely gave Jesus a giggle this week. I was in the hallway of a local school preparing to teach a lesson to a fifth grade class and I chose to utilize the few extra minutes before I went into the classroom to use the restroom and double check that I looked appropriate and presentable (it was rainy and windy and the curls can get a little unruly sometimes). I immediately walked directly to my right and got halfway to the stalls when I noticed the man at the urinal. That was definitely out of place and I made a u-turn and ducked into the side with pinkish-red colored walls and prayed I had not been seen. I was just glad it wasn't a student and I didn't have to awkwardly explain that I am an imbecile quite frequently. Needless to say it was not the relaxing moment I had intended before approaching a class of ten year olds. Also, it must be noted that this is probably the fourth or fifth time I have marched directly into a men's restroom only to be surprised by the amount of urinals. Jesus had to have had a laugh at that moment.

So whether He is helping me navigate the maze that is life and fulfilling my purpose or a simpler task of finding the correct bathroom, he is always there and for that I am thankful. He keeps me focused on the main objective and is fun to be silly with on the way.

Cold Weather and Cold War Kids

Be Efficient and Integrate Basic Skills is the chapter heading in the book I should be reading for class tomorrow, but let's be honest writing is much more entertaining and writing as a form of procrastination is pure glory. So Routman and Language Arts can wait until tomorrow because the Cold War Kids refuse to be ignored. I recently downloaded several of their albums and "Skip the Charades" is a track that keeps on playing whenever I hit shuffle or hit up Pandora for sweet tune-age.

Cold weather was designed for Indie Rock. It offers a dreamy, melancholy vibe to accompany weaher that was meant for deep thought, snuggling up in a blanket, and slipping into a slight depression. A stanza from the aforementioned song snapped me out of studying to ponder life as I know it.

You dodged the bullet
You do your best when you're busiest
You're disconnected
You can't find your name in the script

These lyrics captured my attention because they aptly described my current state. I have always stayed incredibly busy to avoid the areas of my life that bum me out. I segment all aspects of my life and only connect with the ones that make me happy. I prefer to use the waffle analogy to better describe this sense of disconnect. When pouring syrup onto a waffle it sits neatly and separately in each square. This type of compartmentalization exists in me as it does in a syrupy waffle. I am completely disconnected from anything that makes me sad. It helps to keep busy because then I have less down time to think about areas that I have been avoiding.

I really have been feeling like a random character in this huge story of life with no relevance to the central plot. If I were included in the credits of a movie they would list me as Average Girl #23 and keep rolling. I am striving to find my purpose, my reason for existence, and I am struggling. I constantly feel as if I were floundering. I go through the motions and find happiness in the mundane, but part of me feels something is lacking, and I can't shut it up.

Weary is a great word to describe my current mentality. It has been twenty-five years of searching and my name is still missing from the script. I fade into the background and wonder how the lead characters must feel living out my dream roles. Relax, I am not depressed. I just want desperately to have the few simple things I long for: a teaching position that allows me to inspire students, a loving husband to snuggle and share sorrow with, my own children to drown in my abounding love, and a sense of purpose that lets me know I am making a difference. It is hard to feel impact-ful when I comde home to a stuffed animal and my unique gifts and talents are being used to make sandwiches. Frustration can't help but seep in and I begin to ponder where my life is headed and wonder if I will ever arrive.

Further into the song there is a lyric that says:

I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong

Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain

I tend to act like everything is always hunky-dory (spelling?) and be the strong person who is never sad, tired, stressed, lonely, etc. That gets tiresome so I am using this post to speak plain and express my vulnerabilities. I am soaking up the solemn truths "Skip the Charades" has brought to life and going to bask in the melancholy for a few moments more. So I bid you goodbye and leave you with a slightly more uplifting song by The Features. Here are the lyrics to "Whatever Gets You By":

So here we are
It's like we never really left the start
Time heals the wound
But then there's still the scar
To remind us of the way it's meant to be

I'll sing a song
A melody for what has come and gone
Try to convince the choir to sing along
Here's to tomorrow
Or whatever gets you by
(emphasis added)