Solitude Doesn't Equal Sadness

Sunday evening I attended a service at my local church and was met with a sermon revolving around loneliness. Today I mistakenly borrowed a book from the library and instead of being the triumphant story of struggle and survival in Paris during WWII it was a depressing romantic novel about a woman who found herself on the verge of divorce and having no identity outside of her unfaithful husband. (Sidenote: check the author of the book b/c identically named books do exist haha) Recently being single has been a topic at large among friends and co-workers. People assume that without a significant other, my life must have no significance and therefore must be depressing, especially around Christmas time. This simply isn't true.

The truth is that people place too much stock in finding happiness in another person, activity, job, etc. The problem with looking outwardly for joy is that you will always be miserable. Happiness is something that comes from within and cannot be "found". Abraham Lincoln captured this truth with these words of wisdom, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

As a single woman my life is filled with purpose and significance because I choose to value myself and I don't require another person to validate my existence. There are too many things that provide joy in this world to waste our time being lonely and unhappy. So quit squandering all the magical moments around you and CHOOSE to be happy! Below is a list of things that make me smile and hopefully will inspire you to embrace the good in all situations:

1. Going to the movies by myself. One Sunday a month I select a couple movies that I really want to see and head to the theater. It is nice to get lost in a film and not worry about someone talking through the dialogue or compromising and seeing a movie that everyone will enjoy. Another benefit is that matinee movies are cheaper and there are fewer people so seat selection is endless.

2. Cartoons. SpongeBob SquarePants is one of my favorites, but there are so many great cartoons out there that are just plain silly and are hard not to reminisce about childhood with and giggle along.

3. BOOKS!! I didn't put this first because I write and talk about books all the time, but they are so magical. Anything revolving around WWI or WWII in Europe is intriguing to me. Some other great reads include: City of Thieves by David Benioff (re-reading it right now), Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins (there is no good stopping point it's so riveting), It's Not All Flowers and Sausages by Mrs. Mimi (sarcastic and witty, great for future and current teachers), and I Am American and So Can You by Stephen Colbert (what has he done that isn't funny).

4. Crosswords/Sudoku. Luckily for me my college campus has free USAToday newspapers in one of the dorms so I am provided crosswords daily. These two games are intellectually challenging and offer lots of random knowledge to interject into daily conversation.

5. Music. There are so many great songs out there. I have music playing whenever possible. A favorite past-time of mine is to listen to records. It is so relaxing especially in the winter curled up with a book or by a roaring fire or casually talking with a few close friends.

6. Drawing. I am not a great artist by any means but I really enjoy challenging my skills and working to improve them. I just purchased a book "642 Things to Draw" that has pages filled with empty boxes and different things to draw in each one.

7. Running. There is something peaceful about pounding the pavement and just getting my blood pumping. Plus it is just one more time I am able to listen to music.

8. Work. This is somewhere that I choose to find joy. I get to know the people I work with and spend my shifts working hard and cracking jokes. I take pride in my work ethic, but I also value those moments when playing practical jokes or laughing with a co-worker. I look forward to spending time with other employees and it makes the day go by faster.

9. Making someone else smile. There is nothing more joyous than being the reason someone is smiling. This feat can be accomplished in a variety of ways, play to your strengths. I achieve this goal by being goofy and doing nice things for others. It is as simple as asking someone about their day, donning a fake mustache, telling a lame joke (What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt 0 --> 8 get it?!?), paying for a friend's lunch, bringing candy to class, etc.

10. Counting my blessings. It is easy to become bogged down by the negative in our lives. Whenever I feel discouraged I take a few moments to consider all the positives and how lucky I truly am and then the negatives seem minute in comparison. I have a loving family and great friends. I am fully-functioning with no diseases. I have a roof over my head. I have a car and a job and I am in school pursuing my dreams.

So this Christmas focus on the things in your life that are great and find joy within and spread it to others. Who knows, if you aren't constantly whining and complaining about how lonely or miserable you are you might find time to be happy. And then you wouldn't need someone else to make you smile. Albert Einstein is another person who makes me happy so I will end with my favorite quote of his, "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."

Ramblings of a Tuesday

The mood to write has struck and while I have the motivation I am lacking in the inspiration department so rambling is what occurs. This is my warning that any and most everything below will be pure silliness and mindless drivel...read at your own risk.

Fall semester is almost over (only 1 class remains) and I couldn't begin to describe my elation. I really enjoy school, but I am pretty excited to spend some quality time with the friends and family who fell by the wayside during my plummet into work and school. Oh and the books I will be able to read for pleasure, how I have missed those.

Now that I have an abundance of free time on my horizon I am dreaming of the exciting things I will do and I have decided to make a bucket list if you will for my winter break.

First and foremost I fancy a frisk at the Frist. (Nice alliteration, I'm aware). I have lived in Murfreesboro for six years now and have always wanted to spend a day at the Frist and now they have an Egyptian exhibit through January 9th so I am starting my list with this museum so close. I plan on making a full day of it and being super artsy. A pencil and sketchbook will accompany my Diana low-resolution camera for a day of hipster happiness. I can't wait!

After embodying my hipster side I will put my fake glasses away (but never my fake mustache because I love it so) and pull out my newest Duke shirt (it's super awesome and say 903 and Kounting to highlight Coach K's victory count that made him the winningest coach in division 1 basketball ousting his former coach, Bobby Knight, for the title) and some sweet nike shorts and my quilt. That means it's reading time!! I love to curl up in a giant blanket and get lost in a novel. There is a magical quality to reading when it is so cold outside, everything just feels cozier.

Next, and this is my favorite on the list, I will be traveling to the awful little town of Dyersburg. I am amped to see my family and a few close friends and of course peruse Walmart. Elijah, my nephew, is 18 months old and he will actually understand a little of the excitemen that accompanies this season. The Booski and I will go on several adventures together, of that I am sure. Also, my parent's home is the one place in this world where I laugh until I am crying on the regular. I am blessed with one of the goofiest and therefore most badass families around. SO while your family is getting all sentimental and crap, we will be taking pictures in jerseys in OTHER people's yards, having epic nerf gun battles, dressing up in all our clothes because it's Thursday, kicking ass in our band BLUR and just being awesome. (badassery depicted below)

Zombie Love Story (Part 2)

As he continues to look out of the treehouse, Jeff spots at least 18 death creatures clambering at the base of the tree, clawing at the bark and one another in their desperate struggle for his and Skyler's brains. Okay, I've got to think of a plan to get us out of this. Jeff attempts to psych himself up in hopes of developing a plan better than his current one, which is curl up in a ball and hope the rotting corpses will move on and forget about their little treehouse. He's getting frustrated and is about to give up when Sklyer says, "Dude, we might as well just hang ourselves and call it a day."

ROPE!! Suddenly Jeff remembers the 8 feet or so of rope that he carries in his pack. The plan begins to develop and fall into place. Jeff informs Skyler of his idea and they prepare to run for their lives.

PLAN:
Step 1: Throw everything in the tree house not needed into the large bay windows of the adjacent house
Step 2: Wait for zombie horde to be distracted by loud crashing sounds of glass
Step 3: Jump down from treehouse and sprint (essential word here) to the tree right beside the neighbor's fence
Step 4: Skyler scales the tree like a lumberjack (those 3 summers in Montana will definitely pay off now)
Step 5: Throw rope down to Jeff and pull him up into the tree
Step 6: Jump down on the other side of the fence and then quickly select a route of escape

What actually happened....
Steps 1-3: As planned
Step 4: So Skyler was a bit exaggeratory when describing his feats as a lumberjack. They go with option B which is Jeff stands at base of tree and makes a step with his hand and then hoists Skyler into the tree leaving them at step 5.

Jeff is frantically clawing at the base of the tree with his feet and Skyler is barely able to lift him more than a foot off the ground. Then Jeff sees the terror in Skyler's eyes as they grow wide and he drops Jeff's hand. Jeff takes one moment to turn around and sees three death creatures have strayed from the horde and are steps from him.


His only option is battle and luckily he is wearing his backpack still. Jeff grabs the baseball bat from the middle pocket and takes aim. He swings hard and connects with the first attacker's left side sending him staggering backwards. Jeff then slams the second death creature square in the jaw. It is akin to a slow motion action film as the death creature's jaw jerks upward and away and his front two teeth and a splatter of blood follow the arc of his jowls. Jeff jabs the third death creature in the ribs and gives himself a few seconds to bash in the brains of the toothless one before setting his sights back on the origin of assault.

The first death creature is shuffling forward and seemingly un-phased by the first hit. Jeff's second strike connects with the death creature's left leg just below the knee and does its job of breaking the tibia and fibula and sending the creature to the ground. Jeff immediately takes out his knife from his side pocket and drives the blade swiftly through the skull of the fallen death creature. Three properly placed cuts and Jeff turns in time to feel the impact of the remaining death creature's hands hitting him in the chest and see the horde moving in his direction.

There is nothing he can do now, he shoves the final death creature off with his bat and turns to throw Skyler his knife and pack when he feels the fibers of his rope graze past his arms and hears Skyler yell, "Hold on bro," as his feet fly from the ground and his thoughts are of Elise and how he'll never see her smile again. His face and neck crash into the branches of the tree above him. Before Jeff has time to think and assess his surroundings his body is once again being drug through branches but this time in a downward motion. As he connects with the sod he feels a shooting pain in his left arm.

He is scrambling to his feet as he realizes that his left arm is indeed broken and clasps it painfully to his side. Skyler is almost at full speed five feet in front of him as the rope connecting them begins to get taut. Jeff barely has time to wipe away the blood dripping into his right eye as he runs after Skyler. They dodge in and out of yards and through neighborhoods for several minutes before slowing to a pace slightly faster than a jog. They continue at this pace for thirty minutes when they finally reach the highway and Skyler collapses on the pavement panting for breath. We have escaped! Somehow! Jeff looks back and sees only an empty exit ramp and a highway littered with abandoned vehicles. He sighs in relief and begins to try and piece together what happened.

Apparently as the last death creature was about to make a snack out of Jeff, Skyler had a moment of brilliance and lassoed the rope around Jeff. He had already tied the rope around his own waist and it was the momentum of Skyler jumping from the tree that lifted Jeff's body out of danger just in time. Oh the beauty of a pulley system. Jeff began to assess his broken arm and lacerated face. He was glad to find no perforations of the skin in his arm and set to creating a makeshift splint. The cuts on his face had congealed and that was good enough for now.

Once the rope, bat and knife were safely secured back in Jeff's bag and his splint on, he and Skyler began to weave their way through the mass automobile graveyard and head toward Austin. Their late start and complications that morning had taken a considerable amount of time and it was almost noon. That meant they would need to quicken their pace to make up for lost time and hopefully reach the small town of Sunset Valley just outside of Austin by dusk.

If they accomplished that, then they would be able to do surveillance of Austin the next morning and spend several hours to determine a solid route through the city to the army outpost. That is if everything went according to plan and Jeff had a funny feeling that this morning wasn't the last encounter with death creatures he and Skyler would have for the day.

(to be continued...)

Zombie Love Story

Okay so let me preface by saying this is in it's very beginning stages meaning that I have written a first draft only and that is what you are about to read. I adore the show The Walking Dead on AMC about zombies and that inspired me to attempt (key word here) to write my own zombie story. Here goes:

"Silence!" Jeff angrily whispered in Skyler's general vicinity. It was impossible to tell where the shuffling was coming from, but Jeff could sense it was close. Skyler was more trouble than he was worth. Why did I agree to let him tag along? wondered Jeff as he attempted to slow down his racing heart.

(CLANG)

"Shit, he's done it now. Every zombie within two miles will be able to find our location," Jeff mumbled. He was on the move heading toward the sound and preparing exactly how he was going to tell off Skyler. As he cautiously inched around an abandoned station wagon he was pleasantly surprised to see Skyler's lean frame hovering over a freshly killed zombie. The clang had been from the shovel connecting with HWY 193 as Skyler drove it straight through his victim's left cheek, just below the eye socket. The cut had been clean, but it was abrupt enough to dislodge the left eye from its socket and it now dangled a few inches from the pavement hanging barley by one remaining tendon.

"Well done Skyler! Did you see any others?" Jeff asked glancing around. "Nah," Skyler said flippantly, still beaming from his latest manly feat. "You should've seen me Jeff!" Skyler proclaimed, "I killed 'em clean with one blow. A single blow man!" Jeff had never seen Skyler so vibrant and filled with life before. He smirked to himself as he felt a small sense of pride. After all, it was him who had shown Skyler where and how to strike for the most effective kill. Suddenly Jeff came back to the present and remembered the shuffling he had heard only moments ago. He motioned for Skyler to be still and turned his ear to where he had previously been.

He couldn't hear the shuffling anymore, but decided it was best to move forward immediately on the chance that the sound was from a death creature. And, he couldn't ignore the fact that the sun was only a couple hours from setting. He couldn't chance being on the open road in the dark. Skyler and he would be better off to find a place to make camp and get some rest for tomorrow's long journey. Tomorrow is when they headed to Austin. There was rumor of an old army outpost that had a large community of living. Austin was an 8 hour journey from where they were and they needed all the strength they had. Jeff chose first watch after they settled high in an abandoned tree house. Skyler was younger and needed more rest. As Skyler's breathing steadied and settled into a rhythm, Jeff began thinking of Florida and that vacation he took with Elise 2 summers ago. She had the most radiant green eyes and a smile that warmed his soul. Jeff felt a tinge of sadness and before a tear could well up he moved his thoughts toward the day he first laid eyes on Elise.

It was a cold November day. One where you walked a little briskly to pound the chill from your bones. A day when a slightly red nose and blowing warm breath into gloved hands was a unifier across socio-economic status, race and gender. Everyone felt the cold, everyone was the same in this way. Jeff was up early and halfway through his four mile trek to his job at the rubber factory. [He woke up every morning at 4:45am and began his routine. The coffee pot would be finishing up as he stepped from the steamy bathroom. He would sit and read the paper while sipping his coffee, strong and black, and watching the neighborhood slowly come to life. He would rinse his mug and hang it up before lacing his steel-toed boots and donning his Carhartt. South Dakota was a cold place to be in the fall.]

Normally, he took the route past the middle school and creek, but that was an extra half mile added to his journey and the chill in the air made Jeff select the route through downtown. He loved this winter route because the shop owners would be unlocking their stores and setting up as he cantered through the small square. His favorite shop was a bookstore tucked between the CVS and a furniture store. You might miss it unless you looked up and saw the neon sign situated in the second story window. It was simple and said only IMAGINE, but its soft blue glow made Jeff feel at home. The advantage of this route was the twenty or so extra minutes it allowed Jeff to peruse the bookstore.

He entered the door and climbed the creaky, wooden stairs to his haven on the second level. Mrs. Millie greeted him with a warm smile and soft hello, "Good morning Jeff. We've got some new books on WWII this weekend. One is even about the Holocaust. I saved them behind the counter so you could have first look." Mrs. Millie was kind but don't let her 88 year old exterior fool you, she was still quite spry. "Thank you Mrs. Millie. I brought you some of my teryaki beef jerky today," Jeff replied.

You see, Jeff and Mrs. Millie had an arrangement. She saved all the books related to WWII for him and once a month he brought her some of his deer jerky. Exactly how this arrangement came to pass is a story for another day.

Jeff made the trade and headed to his favorite chair to skim the selection and decide if any were worthy of purchase. As he sat down he noticed what appeared to be a heap of clothing on his left in the aisle related to literary classics. He turned and looked more closely at what he now recognized as a wiry young lady. She had dark brown curls that, caught just right in the light, had the slightest hint of auburn to them. She looked up and smiled and he was forever hers from that day forward. Jeff snapped out of his trance and returned the smile. She had on so many layers it was impossible to make out her figure beneath them. Jeff could care less as long as she always smiled at him with that smile that filled his soul to bursting. He couldn't speak or move, all he could do was bask in her radiance.

Finally, Jeff regained control of his limbs and forced his legs to stumble toward this bedraggled beauty. "Hi, my name's Jeff. Do you need any help finding anything?" he asked as he casually tried to lean against the shelf. "Actually, I'd love some and I'm Elise," she said with a voice almost as lovely as her smile. Suddenly the clock chimed 6:30am and Jeff snapped out of his daze and realizes he is going to be late for work. "Do you come here often Elise?" Jeff asks hurriedly regretting his lame word choice, "Meet me here next week at 3:45pm same day?!?" She laughs and replies, "Well, since you didn't leave me much choice I guess it's a date!" Jeff's body is lighter and he's floating down the steps and out the door as he takes one more glance over his shoulder to see Elise back in the floor humming and smiling as she scans the section he led her toward. She's even beautiful when lost in thought.

All day long at work, Jeff keeps reliving those precious moments. The week creeps along and it seems like decades pass before Thursday arrives again.

Thursday creeps along just as slowly and after suffering through several agonizing hours of anticipation his shift ends. Jeff quickly dons his heavy winter coat and scrambles out the gate, beaming the entire walk to the bookstore.

He arrives and nervously climbs to the second floor, greets Mrs. Millie (who is more giddy than usual) and heads straight for the classical literature section. Elise is not there. His heart sinks and his breath catches in his chest. His shoulders slump and he wanders over to his favorite chair to peer through a few books before he forces himself to return home. Stupid he thought. Why did I get my hopes up? Obviously she wouldn't be here. I am a fool. As Jeff sinks somberly into his over-sized chair he realizes he forgot to grab a book. He sighs and hoists himself from the chair a little more upbeat as he recalls the new WWII books Mrs. Millie had set aside for him should still be on the shelf. He turns into the aisle and notices her feet first.

He slowly looks up from the moccasins and follows the thin legs in navy blue tights up to the hem of a light purple dress that hugs all the right places of an athletic but shapely woman. He reaches the smile and sparkling green eyes and realizes this lovely figure is Elise.

"You came?!" Jeff says surprised. Laughing, Elise responds, "You didn't leave me much choice. Plus you have kind eyes and strong hands so I figured it wouldn't hurt to see you again." And there's that smile. Jeff strides toward her and...

(SLAP)

His cheek is on fire.

Shit, I feel asleep. Skyler is throwing their gear haphazardly into their packs. Jeff can't believe he dozed off. He's angry at himself, his cheek still stings, and he's grasping at the fleeting image of her smile. "I've been shaking you for ten minutes dude!" Skyler irritably states, "I had to slap you man. Get your gun, we're surrounded by at least eight." Shit. Shit. Shit. Why am I such an idiot, Jeff thinks while grabbing his rifle and surveying his surroundings. As he looks out of the treehouse Jeff spots...

(to be continued)

A Whole New Mind

Reading is a hobby of mine and recently I have been reading A Whole New Mind by Daniel H. Pink for a literature circle in my Assessment class this semester. (The book is a quick and easy read for anyone interested in how careers are catering more to the typical right-brain talents and more artsy side.) This week's assigned reading section had a portfolio of fun tasks you could do to improve or expand your knowledge of design and storytelling. One challenge really grabbed my attention and I decided to try it here. The task was to write a story/mini-saga in 50 words. Exactly. I decided to write about my journey to where I am currently at in my life. So here is my attempt:

Bright-eyed and overpowered by numerous ringlets, eight-year old Laura dreams of her future.

Years pass and she grows into her curls embodying their energy and bounce. She struggles through her shattered dreams and grows new visions from their wreckage.

Eight-year old Laura thrives inward, constantly encouraging her adult counterpart onward.

Inspiring Words

I have developed two theories about Jesus:

1. He laughs hysterically at my feeble attempts to function and greatly enjoys the multitude of awkward moments in my life with an ever present smile that resembles the same grin parents give precocious toddlers who think they are ready to conquer the world.

2. He constantly fights the urge to slam his head into a wall when he thinks about how frustrating I am due to my extreme faith in my own talents and abilities

Regardless of whether either one of these images is correct (although I'm rooting for #1) Jesus is consistently there and patiently guiding me along my path. My little sister Emma made her status this the other day:

You can't be something you're not. No matter how hard you try. But there is a reason for that. God made you who he wanted you to be. You are beautifully and individually made. You are YOU for a reason, now go change the world...your way, God's way.

This really stood out to me and brought my attention immediately to the sermon I had heard this past Sunday evening. (God knows I'm slow so he sends things/answers to prayers my way at least twice so I catch them) The speaker discussed Ephesians 2:1-10. It related to the sentiment my little sister expressed. The sentiment that God created each and everyone of us with a distinct purpose in mind and that alone makes us special. To really give you a vivd depiction of the passage I have included the scripture (adding my own emphasis) in its entirety below:

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires in our thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions---it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him, in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith---and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God---not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

That last verse clearly defines my very purpose on this Earth. My name is written in the script! Worldly achievement doesn't make me somebody. I am somebody because Jesus loves me and there is no honor greater that can be bestowed. I am already in the script because God wrote the script and wrote my name in their with love. He chose the part for me that made the entire play better. Instead of envying the lead roles and wishing a place among the stars, I should delight that I was included in the production. Each role is significant whether the audience is aware of it or oblivious to it. My problem is my pride, I want credit and glory and that is only temporary. Instead I should focus on how to make the script better and play my part as best I can. Emma's thoughts and this sermon really reassured me that I do have purpose. I love when Jesus hits me over the head with some knowledge!

On a lighter, slightly not related note, I definitely gave Jesus a giggle this week. I was in the hallway of a local school preparing to teach a lesson to a fifth grade class and I chose to utilize the few extra minutes before I went into the classroom to use the restroom and double check that I looked appropriate and presentable (it was rainy and windy and the curls can get a little unruly sometimes). I immediately walked directly to my right and got halfway to the stalls when I noticed the man at the urinal. That was definitely out of place and I made a u-turn and ducked into the side with pinkish-red colored walls and prayed I had not been seen. I was just glad it wasn't a student and I didn't have to awkwardly explain that I am an imbecile quite frequently. Needless to say it was not the relaxing moment I had intended before approaching a class of ten year olds. Also, it must be noted that this is probably the fourth or fifth time I have marched directly into a men's restroom only to be surprised by the amount of urinals. Jesus had to have had a laugh at that moment.

So whether He is helping me navigate the maze that is life and fulfilling my purpose or a simpler task of finding the correct bathroom, he is always there and for that I am thankful. He keeps me focused on the main objective and is fun to be silly with on the way.

Cold Weather and Cold War Kids

Be Efficient and Integrate Basic Skills is the chapter heading in the book I should be reading for class tomorrow, but let's be honest writing is much more entertaining and writing as a form of procrastination is pure glory. So Routman and Language Arts can wait until tomorrow because the Cold War Kids refuse to be ignored. I recently downloaded several of their albums and "Skip the Charades" is a track that keeps on playing whenever I hit shuffle or hit up Pandora for sweet tune-age.

Cold weather was designed for Indie Rock. It offers a dreamy, melancholy vibe to accompany weaher that was meant for deep thought, snuggling up in a blanket, and slipping into a slight depression. A stanza from the aforementioned song snapped me out of studying to ponder life as I know it.

You dodged the bullet
You do your best when you're busiest
You're disconnected
You can't find your name in the script

These lyrics captured my attention because they aptly described my current state. I have always stayed incredibly busy to avoid the areas of my life that bum me out. I segment all aspects of my life and only connect with the ones that make me happy. I prefer to use the waffle analogy to better describe this sense of disconnect. When pouring syrup onto a waffle it sits neatly and separately in each square. This type of compartmentalization exists in me as it does in a syrupy waffle. I am completely disconnected from anything that makes me sad. It helps to keep busy because then I have less down time to think about areas that I have been avoiding.

I really have been feeling like a random character in this huge story of life with no relevance to the central plot. If I were included in the credits of a movie they would list me as Average Girl #23 and keep rolling. I am striving to find my purpose, my reason for existence, and I am struggling. I constantly feel as if I were floundering. I go through the motions and find happiness in the mundane, but part of me feels something is lacking, and I can't shut it up.

Weary is a great word to describe my current mentality. It has been twenty-five years of searching and my name is still missing from the script. I fade into the background and wonder how the lead characters must feel living out my dream roles. Relax, I am not depressed. I just want desperately to have the few simple things I long for: a teaching position that allows me to inspire students, a loving husband to snuggle and share sorrow with, my own children to drown in my abounding love, and a sense of purpose that lets me know I am making a difference. It is hard to feel impact-ful when I comde home to a stuffed animal and my unique gifts and talents are being used to make sandwiches. Frustration can't help but seep in and I begin to ponder where my life is headed and wonder if I will ever arrive.

Further into the song there is a lyric that says:

I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong

Can we skip the charades?
Just speak plain

I tend to act like everything is always hunky-dory (spelling?) and be the strong person who is never sad, tired, stressed, lonely, etc. That gets tiresome so I am using this post to speak plain and express my vulnerabilities. I am soaking up the solemn truths "Skip the Charades" has brought to life and going to bask in the melancholy for a few moments more. So I bid you goodbye and leave you with a slightly more uplifting song by The Features. Here are the lyrics to "Whatever Gets You By":

So here we are
It's like we never really left the start
Time heals the wound
But then there's still the scar
To remind us of the way it's meant to be

I'll sing a song
A melody for what has come and gone
Try to convince the choir to sing along
Here's to tomorrow
Or whatever gets you by
(emphasis added)